The Exile's Lament

Today is, throughout the progressive blogosphere, Write to Marry Day. You might have noticed the blaring red-and-yellow graphic to that effect. Most of you who will be reading this either aren't California voters - Mom's side of the family and Tutu/Grandad - or have already heard my comments on the subject. But. This is so damn important, I will not pass by an opportunity to be one more voice on this vital subject.

You see, there's a lot of bullshit going around about Prop 8 right now. Shit like "Churches will lose their tax-exempt status" and "Children will have to be taught about gay marriages in school." Both patently false, and I'm not going to sit here debunking it, because many people have done it better than I can, and if you care, look it up. Short version: Churches - Massachussetts has had gay marriage for, what, three years now? And not one church there has lost its status or been charged with hate crimes for anti-gay preaching or anything of the sort. Schools - Love of all the gods, people, remember your school days. Was marriage and family EVER explicitly taught? Furthermore, whether you like your kids knowing it or not, gay people - and gay families - exist, and you do your children a great disservice by refusing to expose them to the kinds of people they will inevitably meet and interact with in the real world.

What I'm going to tell you about is the personal impact this legislation will have on me. Given that this is a personal blog, I'm going to assume you who are reading it give a bit of a damn about me and my life, else you would not be reading.

I am bisexual. I am in a long-term relationship with Boyfriend. I am also seeing Girlfriend. And while none of the three of us is the marrying type (we have all, at one time or another, expressed a strong dispreference for the married state), in another time and another world where any of us wanted to wed, I would be equally interested in marrying either of them. Or, if our relationship ended and we all went our separate ways, I could as easily end up in a committed relationship with another woman as another man after this. And in that case, maybe I'd want to marry. So you tell me. Why should I be permitted to marry one lover, but not the other?

This legislation has kept me up nights of late. I will literally crumble into a very dark depression for several days at the least if Prop 8 passes. It could very easily be the kind of trigger that sends me spiraling for weeks.

I remember the soaring exultation and pride I felt when the decision came down in the spring. I was out with B2 and Boyfriend and the midgets at Ft. Campbell in KY. The trip had been planned for days, and I was distracted and fidgety all morning, knowing the decision was almost out. I had asked Mom to check for me on her lunch break and call to tell me what it was. And I remember exactly where I was in the Ft. Campbell PX when she called and told me - we'd won! Gay marriage had finally come to California! Twice the legislation had been vetoed - thank you, Governator Asshat - and both times it had crushed me. Now, finally, I could be truly proud of my beloved home state. And for me, here in exile, pride in my true home is one of the things that keeps me going. I see conservativism and anti-gay sentiment here, and I can console myself with "At least this isn't home. At least California is good about this shit." I was all but jumping up and down in the aisle of the store, a huge grin splitting my face, laughing for sheer joy. I still smile a little, remembering that. I still smile when I think of Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin, elderly lesbian couple who had been together for fifty years and who were the first couple legally married under the new California decision in San Francisco. And I cry a little when I remember that Del died this summer, but I can console myself that at least they were able to marry...finally, at last, after decades of fighting for that right...they were able to be legally married before she died.

Don't take away that pride. Don't make me be ashamed of my beloved home, for failing to hew to the progressive values that are a huge part of what makes California home to me. Vote NO on Prop H8te.

We're not voting on your marriages. What gives you the right to vote on ours?

Please. Please, please, please, California, vote no on Prop H8te.